Preppy College Students Annoy Local Man, Get What They Asked For

Oakland, CA – A group of local college students attempted to recreate a special moment in the hit television series Glee, but was stopped short when a physical altercation ensued.

Matt Evans and Mary Summers (circled) looking preppy.

A blustery Monday morning was the perfect setting for a group of friends and dance groups to meet at Lake Merritt to film their song “Singing in the Rain” based off of the hit television series “Glee.”

“We all woke up from a slumber party, put on our knee-high, striped socks, make-up, brought out our umbrellas and headed to Lake Merritt. It started out so hopeful,” says Mary Summers.

After some intense warm ups including singing various top adult-contemporary hits, the group decided to get into the dance routine. Things were going well until the 25th take when local resident known around the area as “Big Ed” came to the group and asked them to “knock that shit off.”

“We’re college kids who love Glee. We just wanted to be cool so we might end up on Youtube or something,” says Matt Evans.

Sadly, this was not a match made in a comfortable, climate controlled television studio.

"Big Ed" is an amateur boxer.

“Look, those kids were pissing me off and I couldn’t take it anymore,” says Big Ed. “They were all jumping and singing these stupid songs, in the damn rain no less, that are way too obscure for anyone in their twenties to even know. Plus even the Tai Chi group was getting fed up with these jerks. So, naturally, someone had to step up.”

After an exchange of four letter words and words from recent lectures in students’ political science and sociology courses, Big Ed’s patience gave out. What happened next is described as a blur.

“His hands were so fast and we were slow in our pathetic ways. And poor Matt,” Mary recalls.

Evans got a textbook right hook from Big Ed and went down for the count.

“Sweet Mother of Matthew Morrison, I felt that hit and I fell down. The next thing I know, I hear Maroon 5’s ‘Misery’ in my head, especially the line ‘there ain’t nobody who can comfort me’ and I went limp,” says Evans, who has since recovered, but will never sing Glee songs again due to the traumatic memories.

The altercation was broken up by police. No charges were filed, and the police even were empathetic toward Big Ed’s intentions.

“This is Oakland. We love Keak,” said Officer Dean Combs.