Nemo Graduates From College, Finds Job at Dental Office

Nemo, of Finding Nemo fame, has since grown up and graduated from University of Manta Ray with a degree in Bioengineering.

"It's a rough economy even here in Australia," he said. "I had to get a job at P. Sherman's dental office which is now run by Darla. Can you imagine that? I was there eight years ago pretending to be dead in order to escape, and now I'm back working in the fish tank for minimum wage. FML for really."

Princess Peach Files for Divorce

In a shocking turn of events, Princess Peach has filed for divorce after nearly 30 years of marriage.

"I just couldn't take it anymore. [Mario] has been running around through those tunnels for so many years, and I'm so tired of it. Who does he think he's kidding? If you see Mario ask him this: how come Princess Daisy never answers the phone when Mario is out, too?"

Princess Peach's settlement is asking for $50 million gold coins, two extra 1-up's yearly, and equal sharing of Yoshi.