Bakersfield, CA - Oil tycoon Samuelson L. Jacksen has finally decided to buy the rights to actor Samuel L. Jackson's name, because he hates being asked if he enjoyed making "Snakes on a Plane". When asked about the movie and details of the buyout, Mr. Jacksen said, "Ain't nobody got time fo' dat."
Oklahoma City, OK - A dark day in Oklahoma City today, as residents of the city joined to mourn the loss of the Clydesdale horse featured prominently in the Superbowl XLVII ad. The horse has died of natural causes and at the request of its owners, the horse will be sent to the Elmer's Glue factory in Denton, Texas for all children to enjoy when making crafts.
Miami, FL - LeBron James once again claims that he is not going bald, and will not endorse Rogaine. His agent has vehemently defended Mr. James by stating, "LeBron isn't going bald. Period. Did you get the Period? I want that emphasized when I read it in the papers tomorrow. Anyway, Mr. James is simply trying to start his fashion line with headband accessories that you wear slightly above your hairline."
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