Slow Poke Movie Reviews: Anna Karenina

The Walrus Moose has fake news, but real movie reviews. This is one of those reviews.

Add some movie review variety to your life.

-

Random Google Image Search For Anna Karenina

Two-Sentence movie review for Anna Karenina.

Anna Karenina is a marvelous movie-going experience. Marvelous set pieces, marvelous costumes, marvelously good-looking actors, marvelous music selection, marvelous choreography, and it's also marvelously boring.

Movie Review Haiku for Anna Karenina:

Beautiful Picture. So Many Characters Here. Is It Over Yet?

Highs and Lows:

Highs: Jude Law. He's a virtuous man who is both devoted to his country and his family.

Lows: Keira Knightley. Disclaimer: I haven't seen "Pride and Prejudice," nor have I finished "Atonement". But really, when has a character of hers NOT effed things up for everyone.

- "Bend It Like Beckham" - Makes Jessminder's parents think Jess is a lesbian.
- "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl" - Conjures evil, undead pirates back to jolly old England, gets her butler shot in the face as he answers the door, snubs Commodore Norrington's marriage proposal...which leads to him becoming a drunk and dying in subsequent "Pirates" films, destroys Jack Sparrow's rum collection.
- "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" - Leaves Jack Sparrow to be eaten by the Kraken.
- "Anna Karenina" - Ruins everyone's day, because she's just a terrible, terrible person.

...

Overall: If you think Jane Austen's published works are annoyingly long, wait until you read Tolstoy's stuff.

Rating: Watch it on DVD when you're cramming for finals for a Russian literature class.